There's a Badass in There Somewhere


This is what a badass woman looks like. 
Doesn't matter what the task is. 
Doesn't matter what the weather is. 
She just pulls the sled. 
                                                  - Sam Farr II

 Merriam-Webster defines the word badass (and I was surprised that the word "badass" is in the dictionary to tell you the truth) as: "of formidable strength or skill."  By that definition, can I really claim that I'm a badass, or even be so bold as to say a badass athlete?  Or was Sam simply providing me good motivational coaching by praising my hard work?

Having pulled that sled about 850 meters a few hours before I saw the picture, it was easy to go back in my mind and feel my breath, the stretch in my hammies and glutes, the hot and humid air.  I also remembered the thumbs up, smiles and jokes from the 5:30 class headed out for their warm-up run (thanks guys!) I remember the sweat pouring off my body, partly from the sled pull but mostly because it was so freaking humid.  I remember humming the Rocky theme song as I pulled uphill.  What I don't remember was feeling like a badass, I just remember working hard and enjoying the hell out of it.

I looked at the picture again and tried to see what Sam saw and it began to dawn on me that it wasn't just the effort he saw, it was drive and determination.  He saw focus and desire (I never knew he was taking pictures I was intent on finishing my job). In fact, he saw "formidable strength."

So, I looked at the picture one more time.  This time I looked at my body and mentally drew the outline of a streamlined Masters athlete over my current shape and I realized I was seeing that outline not as a fantasy, not as a dream, or even as a goal. Don't get me wrong, I still saw all my physical flaws (thigh fat: check, heavy calves: check, wide hips: check) but then something happened.  Those self-criticisms faded back in my head to just a slight hum, they weren't the noise they typically become.  I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed or even irritated by my current body shape, I was energized because I could see, really see the badass athlete I am becoming.  

It felt like I'd never really seen myself before; not in that way, not in a way that made me feel real and tangible and truly possible. I felt solid, strong and ready to do it all again and add another 50 pounds to the sled.  In other words, I felt like a badass athlete.

So, if I can see myself as a badass, and feel like a badass; maybe, just maybe, I'm a badass?

I know I shouldn't have written that sentence in the form of a question, I know I should declare my badassery to be so, own it and run with it. It's so close but I'm not quite there yet, I still don't have the confidence to carry it off. But -- I will.

I am a work in progress and I am on my way ...









Comments

  1. Chill71784July 26, 2017 at 5:05 PM

    And through it all (well most of it), you were smiling! Keep up the great work, ya badass!

    -Colleen

    ReplyDelete

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